Normality: Analysis on Crossdressing

What is normal?

Normal? What the fuck does normal even mean? Seriously, think about that. What is normal for you isn't normal for the majority of the world. So are you normal? I would define what is normal to be what is often done by other people. That basically means, normal is boring and it will stay boring. "Normal" does not indicate how rational or moral something is - slavery and homophobia were quite normal in the past.

Next point. To the people that talk about the "disgust" factor with gay people having sex... That's not an excuse to ban gay marriage. Two old, ugly, fat people having sex is even more repulsive to me. Do we ban ugly people from having sex?

Disgust is evolutionary.

Disgust. That's what it is. Disgust was also very important in our evolutionary history. If a member of the opposite sex is disgusting, you'll say YUCK, and not mate. It could be because they have an infection or a deformity. Another yuck would be having sex with your mother - that's not a good way to cause diversity in genetics. Just like most evolutionary traits, some take it too far; our society today is obsessed with cleaning themselves. People shower every day - a concept I have a hard time grasping. Hair was a good thing, now guys prefer girls shaved. But ANYWAYS, I'm here to talk about a specific disgust...

There are many social stigmas and whether we like it or not,.are real. Society acts accordingly, and many of us are affected by it. Take cross-dressing, for example.

A guy wears... panties for example. Panties are suppose to be for girls according to our culture. Ok, cool. Why? It's hard to tell how many people cross-dress, and there isn't any reliable data on this. But think about it. It's clothing. If clothing is weaved this way but not that way, it is acceptable for men to wear it. If it's made that way with that fabric, it's "completely sick and disgusting and repulsive" for a guy to wear it. Question the things your instincts tell you.

Why do guys like crossdressing?

Some may do it because of the comfort. Smooth is good, and women like like smooth undergarments or clothing. Men do, too. Some want to feel feminine. Wearing panties may calm a guy; he no longer has to struggle with his desires, and furthermore, he is put into a more submissive mindset - it's nice to not have to be so man-vs-man dominant when one is home. It gets a man in touch with his feminine side. All people have it, and men who disagree are simply insecure about their masculinity.

"As a woman it's taken me a while to get my head around this fact. After all, being a woman isn't nearly as super as it looks on television. There are the mood swings, the cramps, the monthly onslaught of agony you're supposed to grin and grit through in site of the fact that your insides are melting. (Seriously, who the hell thought that up? The result of design by committee I would guess.)

But to the casual male observer, being female probably appears to be a sweet deal. Women have it easy. They are pretty creatures that flit about being charming and having doors opened for them. They look nice, they smell nice, they smile and giggle their way through life in a way that a man could never hope to.

If you have that sort of outlook on what being a woman is like, there's no wonder that pretending to be a woman would be a great escape from the mundane masculinity of the every day world where you're supposed to lift the heavy thing and happily get shot if push comes to shove.There's nothing wrong with playing dress ups, and there's nothing wrong with playing pretend. They often tell children that imagination is their greatest gift, but I would argue that imagination can be an adult's best friend too."

For other people, panties resemble a person. After all, the panties hug the intimate areas of a woman, and the scent rubs off on it.

"Panties are the item closest to a woman's body. They hold all the scent that makes a woman a woman. Every woman has her favorite pair. Every day they are discarded, dirty, into the hamper. They are seldom handled by anyone other than the woman who owns them. And panties are one of the most intimate items a woman owns. To have a woman's panties is like having a little piece of her."

A man may smell it, as there may be an evolutionary reason to. (Females can smell the similarity of immune systems from a man's armpits.) But for sexual arousal, this is a decent reason too. It hugs the naughty areas.It could be pheromones, but I'm not sure.In some areas of the world, men buy used panties. Still more men, like to crossdress because of the fabrics. Men's undergarments tend to be cotton only, and extremely one-dimentional.

Finally, there is the fact that it is taboo is many societies today. Some men want what they can't have. Transvestic fetishism occurs in some people, and only occurs in straight males. In this case, the person may have liked crossdressing as a kid.

Crossdressing is Just as "Natural".

Why isn't is natural for guys to wear panties?

Of course, the irony is history of clothes changing "genders". Thongs were originally male clothing exclusively, as were silk as a fabric. Pink was once considered a masculine shade of red as recently as a century ago. Yet somehow, for a guy wearing clothing that reflects waves on the visible part of the electromagnetic spectrum we detect in our brains as "pink", we question the sexual preference and sanity of the person wearing the clothing. Score 1 for social conditioning! What counts as feminine clothing is totally arbitrary. Then, can you say, as a moral being, that you should judge people based on these totally arbitrary criteria? NO. I mean, how shallow ARE we?

Because society shuns this behaviour, it turns into a fetish. And why is fetish a dirty word? Fetishes are very, very common. So what if you like leather, or make up scenarios with your boyfriend as foreplay? You're not hurting anybody. Is a crossdresser hurting himself? No. There's no deceiving or false beliefs going on here. Whether wearing a dress is good or not is subjective, not objective. Religion makes factual claims - this is a claim about preference.

"These people lack the empathy to imagine themselves as they would be if their lives had been different. They seem to believe that, had they grown up in a dung hut in Africa, they would have naturally adopted a Western gender appropriate style of dress (without ever having seen it,) worshiped the Christian God they would have never heard of, and followed the model of the one man, one woman nuclear family, in spite of that being rare among many African tribes.

If you honestly believe that the culture and customs you grew up with have some divine moral backing, you're an idiot. Seriously and unequivocally. If you believe the styles of dress which are currently common amongst the people of your local geographic area in this particular era are somehow more moral and proper than any other form of clothing one's body, then I actually wonder how you manage to get through the day without swallowing your own tongue."

If a guy gets boner in lace, let him be! The brain releases chemicals that make one euphoric, etc, etc. It's hard-wired. It's just like judging gay people. Quit it! A guy doesn't choose to be aroused by something any more than a guy chooses to be aroused by other guys. But because gays are actively pushing their rights and have the favor of the media (compared to crossdressers), being gay is more acceptable than crossdressing. Being gay is more acceptable than being transgendered. Employers can discriminate against trans-gendered or crossdressing people.

Normal is Arbitrary.

So, back to normal. If normal is totally arbitrary, then maybe YOU'RE not the normal one. Who even said clothing was NORMAL? Were we designed by evolution to have clothing? No. So, none of this is natural, all of it is arbitrary, and yet some people still harshly judge others. And it can be down to people judging other people's preference; this music is shit, mines is THE shit, etc. But there's more to it this time than just preferences. It's taboo to wear women's clothing as a guy. In 2012, where great strides are being made to open up our minds about homosexuality, I think, we are rational enough to sit down as adults and seriouslly discuss cross-dressing. And no, parents. Don't "fix" your child and convince them to wear clothes of their gender. They get to decide what they put on their bodies and what they like. When you dictate preferences, you're over-stepping your boundaries. You're a guide, not a dictator. Besides, there's nothing TO fix. That would just lead to the person taking their desires underground, which may or may not instill guilt, which is a horrible thing to do to somebody that has done nothing wrong.

"Fashion is always changing and morphing. People who think that 'mens' or 'womens' fashion exist in terms of right or wrong simply don't understand fashion at all. They're living in the bubble of the world as it is at this exact point in time and they have little to no understanding of history."

Crossdressing: Opportunity to Discriminate

The vast majority are actually straight, and according to the DSM, transvestic fetishism is exclusively observed in straight males.It's just another fetish. Come to think of it, it shouldn't really even be a fetish. Female clothing is designed to be attractive to men, so it's not a stretch to see guys wanting to wear what they find attractive. The fabric is soft, many guys like that (guys AND girls), so it's not strange at all for a guy to find the feel of panties or whatnot to be very appealing. I'm a straight guy.  I can say I like touching an attractive female. How far removed is that from a straight guy liking the feeling of some panties? Not very. It's also worth noting that not all men that wear panties wear dresses or want to proceed to handbags and lipstick. Do not try to put people into neat little boxes. A panty-wearer isn't the same as a transgendered person or a transgendered-wannabe. Approaching this issue by making broad, sweeping generalizations seems ok to do for many, but if this were the issue of race, you would be many times more cautious.

I would say that men that are scared of wearing pink or some panties are the ones that are not masculine enough. How manly can you be if soft clothing gives you the butterflies? If you're so confident about your masculinity, what's wrong with trying something? If you think wearing feminine clothes strips you of your masculinity, consider revisitng how masculine you are in the first place, and how secure you are in yourself. How many guys have thought about wearing panties or smelling them? How many guys like them? To ridicule others for thinking the same is hypocritical.

"Men wearing lingerie pushes our ideas of masculinity, and challenges the inbuilt social programming which we are subjected to from an early age. This is not always pleasant, and many people will reject the idea, calling it gross, and even 'wrong'. If they took the time to think about it in a more abstract sense, they might be surprised at the vehemence they reacted with. If we'd been raised from babies to believe that men wore skirts and women wore slacks and that lacy panties were for boys, would we then be disgusted to see a man in a pair of y-fronts? Probably.

The choice then is do we see beyond the artificial constructs which frame society, forcing us all into little boxes denoted by dress, accessories, and toys, or do we look beyond those things to the things that matter, kindness, humanity, love, acceptance, tolerance."

It makes no sense that females get to crossdress, but men don't. It's gender discrimination. First, we need acceptance. Under extreme awkwardness and discomfort, it's easy for people to say and do very discriminatory things and get away with it. Men are more scared of coming off as non-masculine than the exact reverse. By making fun of crossdressers, they feel that they regain their masculinity. All that is justification for cruelty and immorality. 

Since the feminist movement took hold, we've come to accept women demonstrating traditionally masculine qualities like aggression, both mental aggression in the corporate arena and physical aggression on the battlefield. Yet the male expression of feminine traits is still taboo. So taboo that the merest hint of a man embracing a feminine side is often derided by men and even by some women who would be outraged if it were suggested that they were less than feminine for doing 'masculine' things like working outside the home or wearing pants.

But no, one has to be realistic. We live in a society, that even in this day and age, questions and scoffs at cross-dressers. They have to be in the closet. Society isn't at the level of sanity in which we can accept people for who they are. The irony is, crossdressing is more common than people assume. Because crossdressers often don't admit it themselves, they have a hard time finding other crossdressers, so they all assume they are one in a million. I've met and read about girls that worked at female clothing shops - they all say that guys buying panties is more common than you may think. To them, it's mundane.

Frankly, I consider gender as an artificial social construct. Gender is different from sex; sex is your physiology. Gender is the way you act. To act 'feminine' is to put people into boxes, and stifle self-expression as a result.

Merits of Dating a Crossdresser

A guy that crossdresses already has questioned his activities and had to analyze it. He's realized what he wants is more important than playing along with stupid genders (not the same as sex), which are artificial constructs. For him to reveal to you that he crossdresses, he has the confidence and the honesty level of a saint. We all have aspects of ourselves we would rather hide. This guy has the balls to tell you. He'll be able to hold any secrets you may have. He trusts you. He's also more likely to accept any fetish(es) or fantasy/fantasies  you may have. That leads to him being more open-minded as an individual. The man that wear panties won't be so hung up on being so extremely manly to the point that he cannot relate to any of your issues. He's also less likely to stuff the girl in a box labeled "girly" and force you to be girly 24/7. He'll be able to share any secret with you and connect because crossdressing is a huge secret for many men. Because he shops for lingerie, he can buy some killer lingerie for you, and in the right size! Hell, he'll actually notice and appreciate the extra set of special pantie/bra you have on tonight for him! Shopping with a crossdresser is more fun as many guys will simply feel uncomfortable and walk away instead of buying the intimate wear with you, which if you think about it, should be how it goes seeing as how intimate wear affects the entire couple. He won't put your lingerie in the washing machine without putting the proper care. He appreciates lingerie, so he might appreciate the finer things in life (do you want your undergarments in cotton, cotton, or cotton?!) ; he's also likely to be a more sensual lover, and less likely to be a "bam bam, orgasm, thanks, bye" type of guy. Foreplay, people. Foreplay. He'll be willing to take it slower to pleasure you better. A man wearing lingerie is very soft and slidy... which may translate to fun times on the bed. At the risk of over-reaching and seeing things that are not there, every single comment on a blog I read about crossdressing are written in correct English, none of this 'omg lol dats gay' type. The crossdresser mindset may have tendencies torwards some things, some of which are not directly related to fashion.

If a female dumps a guy for wearing panties, the female is close-minded, intolerant, and stupid. She buys into and worships the western, 2012 notions of what a man must be. She wants you for masculinity, not because you are who you are. The clothes you wear outweigh what you do. People are so eager to judge, to call others are weird when they don't conform, and to establish their superiority in taste. By disliking crossdressers, you have become yet another conformer, yet another brainless zombie.

Social Conditioning

What is the extent of social conditioning on males and females? Frankly, I don't have the answer. I don't know how much our genetics affects us in comparison... It drives me nuts though, how judgemental and close-minded people can be when they are products of society and genetics. Those that deviate from the "normal" are ostracized and forced to conform. As a kid, guys that cried are sissies. Girls were allowed to cry. Guys were given trucks, girls were given dolls. Because guys are guys, they are allowed to love their cars almost as much as they love their wives; because women are women, they are allowed to love chocolate as much as they love their husbands. But guys are not allowed to like lingerie. In this day and age, women have the power that men don't have in fashion. The very same women that are so feminist, so about rights (women's rights, not men's), would be yelling at their boyfriends for wearing panties while she herself is wearing jeans. But to even say one can be "too feminine" is to put our behaviour into boxes of "men" and "women", which by itself is limiting and sexist. How ironic that in USA, where we idolize freedom, men live in fear of being found out about! Hell, even Jesus wore a dress!

‎"The freedom which we're all such big fans of evaporates when our preconceived notions are challenged" - Hope Alexander

None of us are one thing. Even the most macho man is occasionally soft, and even the most frailest of women is sometimes amazingle strong. To be one thing is to be one dimensional and boring.

Please, for the love of god, just be more accepting.

Hope Alexander's Message to Those That Want to Start Crossdressing

"Sometimes when we want something that isn't supported by the general media and those around us, we think that there must be something inherently wrong with us. Of course, if we stop to think about things for a few moments, we can soon realize that this is not the case.

If you spend a few hours watching TV, you'll come away with messages like

It's okay for men to sleep around, it's what they do. It's okay for men to be violent, as long as they're beating up the 'bad guy'. No matter how overweight the man is, his partner must be svelte and blonde. (Just my personal tv bugbear there, what on earth is up with that? For some reason when they put sitcoms together it's completely believable that a guy on an average income who hasn't seen his toes in a decade would be married to a woman who looks like she starts each day with a handful of diet pills and a colonic.) Men don't cry. Men are always masculine and manly. They can put up shelves just by looking at them, and not only will they not ask for directions, a real man will wait for nightfall and navigate by the stars.

Men are bombarded with ridiculous masculine stereotypes to the point where they feel guilty if they don't meet them. Women get a little more of a free ride mostly because we've been screaming about equality for the past several decades. We can wear menswear without fear of being called a lesbian, in fact, more often than not, it is regarded as being kind of cute.

Men might not be ready to fight for their own brand of equality yet, but that doesn't mean that its wrong for a man to wear panties or any other item of clothing he feels like putting on. Logically you may know this, but if you're struggling with guilt, it may be time to start living it as a truth. Put those panties on. Notice how you don't immediately become gay. Notice how you are no less of a man. Notice the relief you feel when you work with your own nature instead of fighting against it.

We're so flooded with “supposed to's” and “should do's” that we forget very early on that in all likelihood this is the one life time we will have. Even if you believe that we have more, this is the only lifetime we will have in this condition. To spend it fighting one's own nature is not only futile, but a tragic waste of the precious moments we have on this earth.

And the funny thing? When we finally stop fighting. When we finally accept those parts of ourselves we never wanted to be true, that is when we become free of them. Free to indulge in them, or free to let them go. Free to be whatever we want to be. 

Don't work on denying the parts of yourself that do not fit with whatever image your particular society has pressed upon you. Celebrate those parts, for those are the parts that will ultimately free you. Those are the gifts you were born to express. 

Live free and happy. There is nothing wrong with you or your desires. 

It is okay to be you."

"Be open minded, but not so open-minded, your brain falls out!"

Thank you, Hope Alexander for your articles which I've freely quoted.