My mother not supporting me in my trans journey is not the same as us having a disagreement about something. There's a reason why my ex-friend's family used to be the closest thing I had to a family. Trans people with supportive family and friends decreases the chance of reported attempted suicides, which surprises nobody. There is nothing my mom can say or do that can turn me cis or turn me away from transitioning. It's happening whether she likes it or not. Given that fact, standing in my way is nonsensical. She can't change my gender identity, so the only thing she can change is the way she treats me. She can choose to be supportive and show her love unconditionally. Maybe we could've been daughter and mother, and gone out shopping for clothes together. That sounds like fun.
Instead, she decided not to support me. She decided to ignore the fact that her support decreases the chance of my suicide because she'd rather have a dead son than a living daughter. Her discomfort around sexual and gender minorities outweighs her wish for me to be happy. She decided not to protect me against a government which seeks to take away my rights or strangers who would abuse me. I feel betrayed.
Some might say, "Oh, but what if you regret your decision later on?". What about it? I'm already 2 years into hormone therapy. Almost all of the breast growth has already happened. If I stop hormones now instead of 5 years later, the reversal process is very close. The reverse is not true; if I start now versus start later, there is a penalty because older people have worse transition outcomes. And if I realize I have to transition when I'm older and already have a spouse, that might destroy the relationship. It is easier to change things now than much later when I'm settled in. Perhaps longer estrogen exposures increases breast cancer risk, and I know conservatives are hypersensitive to danger. Would she feel equally as uneasy if I were born female and I was exposed to estrogen my entire life instead? Would her worries about breast cancer go away if I meticulously research the science and found no good evidence of harm? No, and she said so as much.
So what really is her motivation for wanting me to stop hormones? Bigotry, of course. And bigots don't often like to say they are bigots, so I have to disprove every one of her stated reasons for disliking HRT before I can finally call it bigotry.
Her attitude towards LGBT people let me know even as a kid in elementary school, that there was no way I could tell my mom I wanted to be a girl. In fact, I never told her anything. She didn't care about how I felt and I couldn't trust her with any secret. And so, I bottled up my feelings. All the guilt and shame and embarrassment. Because of this, it took me much longer to realize I was trans and to transitioning medically. Eventually I was too old for my mother to have direct control over my life. But by then it was already too late; it was already past puberty and the best window of opportunity for transitioning has past. I will have to deal with the physical consequences of that for the rest of my life.
So no: it's not just a disagreement. That's a rhetorical trick. It's a denial which perpetuates my oppression. It's a denial of a core part of who I am. It continues the idea that I should be ashamed and my feelings are wrong.
And for all of that, I will never forgive her.
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