Ramblings

Hello!

Today I want to talk about what I don't know. Over time I've had some thoughts about my what I know, what I don't know, and my ability to sort through what is or isn't true. I've come to realize that I really know quite little. And honestly, I swear: This isn't me trying to sound wise by saying I know I don't know many things. I know I've said in the past that "If I knew everything I wouldn't need to help of any experts". But honestly, sometimes I go read an article on Wikipedia or I read a debate and I cannot understand what they hell people are saying. The things I don't know become a liability when I go out and debate somebody. It's like the fear of the unknown.

Thing is though, just because somebody has more knowledge than me doesn't mean they can't be mistaken in something simple. You can be a neurosurgeon but have false beliefs about God. I don't find it arrogant to say I am superior to the neurosurgeon in theology. It is a statement of fact. Of course, most things in life I have not examined as closely as religion, so my certainty goes down. Many things I don't know much about, so I can only give my current thoughts and my intuition. When I tread on new territory, I'm always changing my opinions because new information and arguments come in. This is what prevents me from being utterly humiliating in many situations. But I'm sure we all have been humiliated in the past. You just take the experience, learn from it, and move on as quickly as you can. Try not to dwell on it and argue with the person who proved you wrong. Nobody wants a person who is wrong and cannot accept it.

When I think about large issues, my brain is overloaded, and I'm almost withdrawn from it. This is because there are so many factors, so many ideas, so many possibilities. How the hell do I ever figure out which is the best? Well, you don't. You can't. Because many things in the real world, there is only time for one choice. If we elect A into office, we will never truly know what B would have done. It's far from a scientific experiment. In arguments regarding broad and complex topics, it's very easy to be convinced by a stupid argument that sounds good. This is why I am very hesitant to go into politics at all. What use is there if I just wing it, halfway? None. I should either not deal with politics or be an expert at it. Being half-right is being wrong. Of course, nobody is infallible. No expert that uses big words or has written many books or given many speeches is infallible. Nobody knows everything, but at the end of the day, something must be done. So, I suppose, many people wander around, trying to get their take on politics or problems with the world and try shape the world to their beliefs. If we all stopped trying to fix the world until we're all positively sure we know every possibility, nobody would be doing anything. On the other hand, not knowing everything causes people to make big mistakes when trying to "decrease worldsuck", as John Green would say. But I know that world issues are far beyond me. I don't even know what is best for everybody, let alone how to achieve it. Sorry. I just stick to whatever interests me, be it from religion to more mundane things like video games.

And I smart? Honestly, I don't know. I do the best I can. Sometimes I feel like an idiot. Sometimes I feel smart. But I suspect that's how it goes for most people. But sometimes, people say things that are so ridiculously stupid, it tickles my brain. Whatever level that guy is on, I'm above him. Which isn't saying much. Being better than crap doesn't make you awesome, it just means you're better than garbage. There are 7 billion people on this planet! 7 billion! That's such a big number. I cannot imagine half that or a quarter of that or a hundredth of that. There are so many people, and combined they know so much my mind cannot even comprehend it. Maybe I shouldn't think about the idiots. Thinking about trash doesn't help me get better at anything. And even if I am great, the idea is to not rest on your laurels. Always trying to make tomorrow better than today.

I recognize that I've changed a lot in the past 2-3 years in which I started to pull my head out from Runescape to think about other things. I think I will continue to change. It's like, "Eric 2.0". Continual evolution. Sometimes I wonder what a future version of me would say to me. I've stopped trying to engage in religious debates because for me, the matter is already settled, and I'm tired of trying to convince everybody. It's time to move on from this subject and go into new territory. A few years ago, I wanted to be the best. Not everything, of course. But best at something. I guess over time my own goals have mellowed out. I'm just me and I'll do what I think I should.

I think humbleness and perspective are things we need to beat into ourselves over and over, time and time again. At least that's how it works for me. When I feel TOO smart, when I feel like I truly deserve everything I have, I need to force myself to think about the things I don't know and the suffering others have going on this instant. Then, I am brought back down to earth. I'm rambling here. But have you thought about just how large the universe is, and how ridiculously small we are? How small our troubles are. How insignificant it is to the scale of the universe. That we are just animals that exist and will die in the next cosmic eyeblink. But we can't really step out of our perspective. After all we view our entire world through our eyes, through our lens which filter out information we don't want to see. We know our troubles are small, but we cannot let go. It's almost like knowing sex is simply an impulse that was necessary for reproduction for the continuation of our species but still not being able to shake off the need for it. You know, my brother once told me something interesting: "We are all drug addicts", he claimed. What we do, we do to obtain happiness, which is really only a bunch of mental states, like chemicals produced by the brain. We are all drug addicts. How about that, huh? I've never had sex, but when I've jacked off in the past, I did think to myself "Gee, evolution has defeated me again." A split second change in chemicals and all of a sudden, the way I thought changed completely.

And if you thought that the above wasn't super epic, well, didja read the title? I'll leave the rest for another time. I've gone on long enough. :)